Ready/Not Ready...And We're Off...

I think the title says it all and it applies to almost every aspect of my life right now.

I am currently sitting in active shooter training.  Ready/Not Ready.  It's pretty much the same exact training that I was in two years ago.  It's not a fun day.  To be honest, if it happens, you're screwed.  Sure there are things that you can do to reduce the risk of being a casualty but for the most part someone gets into the room you are in, you're done.  They use fake rounds so when they come in to the room and shoot - it sounds real.  The casings drop, it's loud and it becomes mayhem.  I don't think this should be thought about just in terms of school shootings, this can happen anywhere and at any time.  We are watching the video from Columbine now - this is horrible ( I won't link it).  But the one thing I would say to you is to always have a plan, know your surroundings, know your exits and be prepared to do what you need to.  It's horrible shit to say and to think about but you have to do it to save yourself and your family.

*So, I was chosen to be the active shooter.  That was weird.  Really unsettling.  You don't want to actually do it - but I have to say, I did get three people.

This is now my 8th year in this title and it's a new position.  It's crazy to feel so unprepared walking in to a new school.  We have some vacancies that we are trying to fill.  The hardest thing right now is looking at the school culture and some of the issues that are arising from parent complaints.  It's bothersome because people think that there is a new ear to bend and because they didn't get what they wanted, they can try to end around the process.  I have to make sure that everything is in order make some decisions and stick with them and establish the procedures/expectations and make them clear.

As for the trip, I'm totally not ready.  I haven't even started packing.  I have picked out some of my clothes but to be honest, I couldn't tell you everything that I need or need to bring or that I have even thought about it.  So, after work, I will get home and pack all of my stuff into my backpack and hope that I have everything that I need.

*I will probably be switching between tenses this entire blog because things will be in the past, or present and I will be writing in the present but switching between the past and the present in my head depending on the day, when I'm writing and the level of mayhem happening at the moment.

Travel and arrival:

Of course, we are traveling and it's raining.  It's been raining a lot at home - as most of you know.  Our flight is at 10:10 and hopefully it won't be delayed.  Our plan was to leave at six and we actually got on the road at about 6:30 - which is not too bad for us. My nephew Christian drove with us to the airport so that he could take the car back home for us.  It's $18 a day for long term parking at JFK.  That would have been about $400 for this trip and I have no plan to cut out Cubans and craft beer while over here.  So the discussion in the car turned to travel and Christian mentioned going to Australia.  That turned in to a discussion about when his brother Michael went and how you shouldn't pee in the Great Barrier Reef because there is a fish that will swim up into you and eat your urethra.  Jess said, "I'm pretty sure I peed when we went because we were out for so long."  I said, "I know I did because I always pee in the ocean."  The two in the back only heard penis which of course automatically turns into penis and butt cheeks.   This turned into my rendition of a new episode of the  Octonauts and the Giant Penis Easting Fish.   I can hear the refrain from the Creature Report now - "Go Penis Eater - Go Penis Eater!"

We got to the airport with no problems - the traffic wasn't bad.  We hopped out and headed in.  The line moved pretty slowly.  Of course, the bags were loaded wrong.  Some had extra room others were over, so we had to do some switching to ensure that everything was the right weight.  In the interim, Neil and Malcolm started acting like buffoons, hitting each other, pushing shoving...everyone finds them cute and funny, so, they do it more.  

Security was a total nightmare.  The lines were long, then because of our car seats, we were sent to the oversize line, which I thought might be a good thing, but, it wasn't.  They had one area open and eventually opened more.   Jess thought Duncs shit (she was wearing him on her back since we got out of the car).  She had to go to the bathroom -  then Neil and Malcolm both had to go.  We grabbed some McDonalds and headed to the gate.  Of course, it started boarding early and we could have used some extra time.

Waiting for McDonald's

They must have checked with us 800 times concerning the car seats.  "Do you have tags?"  "Thoe won't fit in the overhead, leave it here."  No, we purchased seats and we are using these on the flights, thank you very much.  Thankfully one of the people helped us move the seats to our spot but it was tight.  The boys were shot and had already had enough.  Of course,  Malcolm had to shit - rabbit pellets.

Malcolm waits to use the bathroom until the most inappropriate time - like when you get back into the car after walking past a bathroom or when you're flight is ready to take off. 

We ended up taking off at 11.  Door to take-off 3.5 hours and every minute was spent doing something.   Once they settled in they were good and they listened and there were no meltdowns.  They even slept.  Nothing like previous trips. Duncan is the best.  Amazingly and for the first time, there is really nothing to report about the flight.  No screaming, no crying, no up and down.  Nothing.  It was a decent flight.  We got in, waited for everyone to get off the plane, got the crew together and headed out to our FOUR hour layover in Amsterdam.  Four hours is not a big deal - unless you're with three boys six and under.

Now, we wait...

We got out and found some space near the McDonald's.  They headed over to some space in the airport that had some virtual games and they were super happy.   I am watching everyone’s shit.  I can hear them yelling from across the eating area.  Sounds like hey are having a good time.  

They monopolized the are and were very excited when the soccer game would come on.  It was quite amusing to watch them try to give directions to kids who didn't speak English.  They were happy and it kept them occupied.  We moved our stuff closer to the area and hung out.

Fitbit says I got 2 hours and 16 minutes sleep. 2 hours and 16 minutes.  It feels like it to.  I cannot wait to sleep.

We moved to one other spot and then headed to the gate.  It was a bit of a walk but not too bad.  
Duncan and Malcolm jumped on a wheelchair and started talking an older couple -they kepot them quite entertained.  I think it was mutual.  Amazingly, the man's father's name was Malcolm and his Callum - which is Malcolm in Gaelic.  Don't ask me how.  Malcolm wasn't buying it either and told the man that his father's name could not be Malcolm.  So there.   Duncan almost fell and while I tried to stop him, I dropped Malcolm. He hit his ribs on the wheelchair and started crying.  Yes!  Dad of the year.  For some reason after getting hurt he wanted me to hold him and not Jess.  That's a first.

On a side note, the urinals were really high.  If you're really short and/or I guess really short, there's no way you can use them.  Thankfully, I am neither.

The flight to Inverness was an hour and twenty minutes.  The boys were very well behaved, because, well, they passed out.  Jess told them to put their masks on and put their blankets on.  They did and they went out.  Everyone slept.  Everyone, including me for like 20-30 minutes.  People were super cool on the flight, someone carried Jess' suitcase and someone else grabbed the thing we use to wheel their chairs around.  This obviously wasn't a RyanAir flight.  

Walking off the tarmac.

Inverness Airport Dab

Got out - went through passport.  Got to the car rental place and the shit show continued.  This was the worst part of the trip so far.  Everyone was tired.  The boys were antsy.  Duncan hadn't walked in a while.  They were all over the place.  There was no place for them to go.  We got some small kinda Audi and Jess crammed the three seats into the back.  There is no room for anyone to breathe and they are touching each other constantly.  Hitting, bickering, bitching, moaning.  If i hear one more time, "I didn't mean to hit you," or "I didn't mean to hit you that hard," or "Malcolm stop," or "Neil stop," etc., etc.......It's horrible. I didn't get a pic of it because as soon as I get out, I want to yank them all out of the back.  Not Duncs.  He's good.  Just the other two.

This doesn't even come close to telling the story.

We asked the owners of the place where to head for dinner and she suggested some place down by the beach because the boys could run around.  Headed out to the beach to get dinner and it was packed.  We decided that this was going to be too big of a mess, so we walked around a little and went to grab some fish and chips.  It was nice and windy down by the water.  They are experiencing the hottest summer in years in Scotland and it's been pretty hot.  The breeze was nice.  Just ask Dunky-Dunkerson.

We got to the fish and chips spot and made our order - it was quite good, so if you're in these parts one day, head to  The Northern Fish in Forres.  We hadn't gone to the bank yet, so we had no cash.  So after placing the order Jess asked for ketchup.  She forgot that they charged.  A cop who came in after us came to the rescue with the 75 cents for the ketchup, which we promptly left.  Jackasses.  Of course it's my fault - I thought they put it in the box, they didn't.  

Headed back and ate - the boys  took shitty showers with hand soap because our delivery didn't come until the next morning.  Everyone was in bed by 1030. Neil and Malcolm woke at 9 and 930.  We woke Duncan up at 11.

I hate fucking European showers.  This one was the typical problem shower.  Hot , handle broken, shit pressure.  You can barely stay wet.  I was smearing soap on my body to get washed.  My hair is so thick, it barely gets wet.  Because the handle was broke, you have to leave the showerhead on the bottom of the tub.  You bring it up, the pressure changes and it sputters as it tries to shoot water out.  And so it goes, the first shower is a mess.  It is a bad omen for showering this trip.  I'm not surprised so many Europeans smell, you cant get wet and lather up.

And so ends the first day of the 2018 trip to Scotland.  It's work and it's tiring but there is no place that I think we would rather be.  Tomorrow, we head to Brodie Castle for a nice easy day.  In theory, it should be less hectic and less stressful.  If it's not, I will just think about relaxing at the shot below.