I hope this isn't a sign of things to come, "You stupid assholes..."

 Yeah, this better not be a sign of things to come.

Here's round 2 of describing this summer's heroes.  Not in order  - you can read them in any order you like, but then if you've already read the one about Malcolm, you're cheating.

Despite his faces below, he has been a pretty good sport about this whole process.  He was really good when I took him to Rite Aid and he and the guy tried to get a good picture of him.  The trip to CVS will be the fourth attempt at getting this correct.  They have been real ball busters with this one.  The background is too dark.  His face is too light, the face is more than 1 3/8'' large.  The face is more than 5/8 from the top...

Fucking seriously?

Jess says he looks like me in all of these pics and that every single one of those faces is mine.  I'm not sure what she's talking about.  I think he may be rolling his eyes in one of these.

That's "My boy."  Our first.  Despite all the attitude, there is just something about your number one that steals your heart.  Maybe it's the first time you really truly give all of yourself to ensure that nothing goes wrong and that they are ok - and it's not to say you don't do that for your significant other, it's just different.  It's the first time you hold YOUR kid.  It's the first one you watch crawl, walk, call you Dada, play hide and seek with, the one who laughs at your stupidity, who tries to be like you and do the things that you do, who loves you unconditionally, who makes you want to be a better you.  I remember when we had Malcolm, I really felt like a family the first time because I couldn't wait to share him with Neil.

He's a very typical first child - tries to be involved in adult business, he knows everything, was very neat when he learned to eat because we actually had time to keep him clean.  He hears and sees too much.  And sometimes, that worries him.  He has a ridiculous vocabulary that includes the correct usage of fuck, fucking, and shit.  And asshole.  That has become a favorite.  I need to watch what I say when I drive.  

He uses them all in context.  For example, Jess sent me a text this morning saying, "I was in the bathroom and I hear the boys yelling at a movie.  Cheering and chanting with the characters.  It was loud.  Then I hear Neil go, 'OH SHIT DUNCAN IS SLEEPING.'"  

He's really smart - often too smart for his own good.  He also, doesn't seem to give a shit  about things if it's not important to him.  With homework, if it requires that you color something in, he does, but makes it all one color and it looks like he crossed it out.  The MacNeil does what he wants.  He can be overly sensitive and is very aware of everything that is going on around him.  Nosy and bossy.  Super inquisitive.  He also is developmentally appropriate for his age.  He probably would have done better if we held him back a year - but whatever.  He will be seven in November and heads to second grade in September.  He and Malcolm won't be in the same school at the same time.  That is probably a good thing.  I find him to be the deepest thinker of the bunch.  He'll get stuck on something and go back to it and ask more questions until he thinks he understands.  Like most boys, he has a very clear sense of what is fair.  He doesn't like being treated differently in school and will let adults know it.  We just have to work on managing his impulsivity (all totally normal at this age).  He seems to like math better than reading and writing.  At the very  least, he's very good and he gets it conceptually.  What he doesn't get is going to sleep when he's tired so he's not mean and cranky to everyone.  He knows how to manipulate the other two and get them to do things that they're not supposed to (this is not good).  He's also developing his sarcastic humor.  It's really tough not to laugh when Malcolm does something, Neil get's it and starts laughing because Malcolm fell off a chair or something else and then you have to not laugh.  It's usually very funny because Malcolm is so animated.  Ok, it's really funny.  

Physically, he's skinny like I was and proportional  - none of the small legged Hoffmann thing.  He's quick to anger and offend and so I am often wondering if we didn't set up the conditions right for when we brought Malcolm home.  It started off well enough...

He can be very sweet.  He's my snuggle buddy and I am going to be very sad when that comes to an end.  He can be very helpful.  He'll clean up the living room without much of a fuss - sometimes it's, "I didn't make that mess, it was Malcolm," but he gets over it and does the majority of the cleaning.  

Jess had quite an adventure this morning going to the post office to try to get pictures for the passport.  She got there at 9 - because that's what the website said but the sign at the post office said ten.  After asking, they took her in since the 9 am appointment wasn't there.  You need an appointment to get your passports taken care of but not for pictures.  Maybe.  It's the post office.

So they bring them into the room and the guy "agrees" to take the pic since his appointment wasn't there.  He continues to work with them for 35 minutes with no luck.  None.  Too dark, too light, can't get it just right.  He says that everyone is having trouble with kids.  The open the door when they realize that they can't get it and there are like 5 people waiting for the guy.  One lady immediately gives the guy a problem and says she has been there since 9.  He asks if she knocked on the door and she says yes and that she has been there.  Jess tells me that she didn't and that the more nasty she gets, the more apparent it is that they are going to make her wait.  They sit back down and then the main and woman from the post office discuss it and decide that she is not going to get any help anytime soon.

I knew this shitty one from Rite Aid wasn't going to work, so I made the guy give me our money back.  As a matter of fact, he screwed up the change and we made a dollar.  It wasn't worth the time.  "We can't use it because you cut the top of his head off.  Can I get a refund please?"  I have to say that they guy was trying really hard but it just wasn't coming together for him.  

Plus, he had that friggin' Roma jersey on, so it all worked out.  

Then of course, there's this one that you're familiar with...

Which, really, is the best one.  I don't know what their problem was with this one - too far from the top or too large a face...this is classic and should have been his passport photo.

There was an attempt at CVS:

But they cut the top of his head off.

We have one of our failed attempts at his first passport photo.

And finally, another from CVS - this has to be it because if it's not, we are screwed.

NJM3 - yep, he's pretty awesome, because if he wasn't, we wouldn't have gone on and had 2 and 3 and soon to be 4.

So, we are in Florida right now.   They have been for a week almost.  I just got here.  We will be at a beach house with Jess' family.  I will work on some Duncan blogging and perhaps another about the week and my current work situation.

As for the trip, I'm pretty sure Jess has done no planning whatsoever.  Like none.  Like, with the exception of one of the things I wanted to see, I'm pretty sure none of the days are planned and I am not sure how she is going to get it done between this week and the friggin' baby wearing conference.  We may be in trouble...